This past week I encountered something that made me realize that I need to learn how to rephrase my comments and/or questions. Let me set the scene for you....
It had been cold and rainy all week. Our morning started off the same...breakfast, ironing of clothes, lunches and hurrying to get out the door. We have a good 30-40 minute commute every morning and even longer on bad weather days.
1st out the car is my son....kisses and reminders as he is grabbing his bags and rushing to get to class on time.
Next Ava and and I get off together. I love walking my kindergartner to class every morning...and giving her hugs and kisses before she walks into her classroom....I realize that this is mainly for my comfort so let's leave it at that. This particular morning my youngest stayed home with her daddy so after leaving Ava off in class I was ready for my commute back north but 1st I make a stop at the ladies room.
The ladies room is right around the corner from where the doors are that lead to the parking lot. The school has been trying to fix these doors the last few days. There are 2 handicap buttons that open the doors, one from the inside and one from the outside. Now, it's an unspoken understanding that whenever kids are around the adults don't open the doors because it is the highlight of almost all the kids to push these buttons for all to walk through. Well, these buttons were out of service and only 1 door would open manually for almost a week. So, as I turn the corner I notice a silver haired lady bending over putting several things down on the ground and I rushed over to open the door for her and I, a well brought up southern girl, proceed to ask "Do you need any help?" in which she RUDELY snapped "NO! I don't NEED any help!". Well, of course I was taken aback and somewhat startled by not just her words but mainly by her tone. After realizing what she had said I began walking to my car. I will admit though that her words did hurt me in the feelings a little bit.
Now I didn't give it much thought that day but I did start thinking about it a few times these last couple of days and it finally hit me last night. Maybe I should have worded it differently. Maybe I should have asked "WOULD you like any help?" or "Can I help you?" not "do you NEED any help". It didn't matter to me that she was an older/elderly woman, I would have asked to help if it was a teenage kid. I didn't by any means think she was incapable of completing her task I was just offering to help. I know I really shouldn't care about this and just chalk it up to her having a bad morning, the lack of sun putting her in a bad mood, maybe SHE didn't want to go to school that day or maybe she thought I was being sarcastic, who knows? It could have been any number of things.
The point is I NEED to change my approach. I NEED to be more mindful of who I am speaking to and what I am saying and/or asking. They may be simple words to me but the receiving party may take them a differently. So, the next time I see someone, ANYONE, that looks like they could use a hand...I will commence with "Would you like some help?"
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